From Within So Without Part 4: Coming Home
The blessings continued to mount. My parents new home was located in a small lakefront golf community, The Reserve at Lake Keowee. We had just moved in and the club was ablaze with talk about the helicopter that landed on my parent's lawn.
It is always interesting how people behave in a crisis. Recently, a dear friend of mine was found in her basement shot in the chest. Despite there being no note, gathering no evidence, including fingerprints, or matching the bullet to her gun, or any outward indication that she was unhappy (in fact she had big plans: fundraisers she was planning, outings with friends etc), as the police carried her body out of the house, they told her stunned soul mate of a husband, it was a suicide! I was very good friends with this woman; this is not something she believed in or would do no matter what sort of trouble people claimed she was in. Our hometown paper seized the narrative. And while hundreds came to pay their respects to this amazing woman, the pall of a story, that had not been verified, and still has yet to be verified, remains over her legacy that her children are attempting to clear, or at least find some answers. I cannot tell you how many people from our hometown tried to tell me stories about her. I could not reconcile the stories I was hearing with the woman that I knew, and I said that to them. But these people did not know her very well and were repeating hearsay. I finally spoke to another mutual friend, and she caustiously asked me what I thought. I said there was no way she committed suicide. She breathed a sigh of relief, like she had found a lighthouse in a very dark and stormy harbor.
I usually love funerals because people always find the good in the deceased no matter their differences, and you hear all the things one respected about the deceased. I always wondered why we don't as a culture acknowledge the good we see in each other in the moment we see it? This naturally makes people want to strive to be good. Instead, we wait until they are dead to shower praise upon their heads, in order to avoid their heads "getting too big" while they are alive. That happens with false praise, not true spiritual acknowledgement. Any time you acknowledge the good in another, expecting nothing, you also acknowledge the good in yourself, but I digress. And now I am going to again.
There was a study done, where they read children classic stories about lying, you know, "The Boy Who Cried Wolf", "Pinnochio", and how Washigton chopped down the cherry tree? Interestingly, especially if you are following my theme, that we should teach everyone with love, patience and kindness, not the "Four Horsemen". There was also a control group and they read, the "Tortoise and the Hare". Guess what? They found that the children told the George Wahington story far and away were more truthful than the other groups. Why?
If you recall, George, got an axe for his birthday, and proceeded to chop down a beautiful cherry tree, that he knew was not for chopping wood! When questioned by his father, George said, "I cannot tell a lie" and he told his father the truth, and the father forgave him and was lenient on him. The other stories are about getting into trouble for lying. In fact, the researchers, repeated the experiment, but this time, they changed the Washington story, so George lied and got into trouble. Those children scored just as poorly in terms of lying after hearing the new story, as the "Pinocchio" and "Boy Who Cried Wolf" children.
It turns out, educationally and spiritually, praise, communication and connection, trump fear. We should be exhibiting the behavior we want to see. You are always a teacher, and everyone around you, including you, is always your student. How can one spank a child and exhibit peacefulness? How can one exhibit shame, and expect a child to be confident? How can one exhibit any of the "Four Horsemen", and expect a child to be successful? You have to choose your boat. You cannot be in both at the same time.
The people at the Reserve, most of whom I did not know, many of whom I still do not know, reached out to me and my family in our time of crisis with love, food, wine, sympathy, entertainment, flowers, gifts, etc. In fact, when I was released from the hospital, one member sent his plane to retrieve us and bring us back to the Reserve. Never, ever, have I been more grateful for private air travel, or for any gift (besides the lessons in all of this). I still do not know who sent it. I was able to thank the man who arranged it, but he would not tell me whose plane it was. So, whoever sent it, THANK YOU!!
I grew up in a place that has fallen into a culture of "Four Horsemen" thought, where my friend who gave so much was so easily maligned in her passing, while in contrast, a place where happy thoughts and "white clouds" prevail, results in a complete outpouring of love, kindness, acceptance, and generosity upon a total stranger who has done nothing for their community, except move in. It is interesting to see that spiral of love vs that of the "four horsemen" at work in two different communities. Hive mentality is real.
As I sat in the hospital, alone with my thoughts, fears and insecurities, and my heavy doses of pot, the four horsemen suddenly all fell away, The calm and the voice I heard, when I was on fire, were also back and I knew I would be ok. I did not know if I would look ok. But I knew. I would be ok, in fact, better than ok.
When we landed back in Pickens, and returned home, I was still heavily bandaged and could not even go to the bathroom on my own, and could only eat through a straw. All I wanted to do was sleep, but God, my mother, and my sister, Brittany, had other plans.
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